Sunday, November 27, 2005

12 weeks!

Most people get lucky and the morning sickness ends at 12 weeks apparently I'm not so lucky. I had a 3 week non barfing streak that ended tonight during my dinner... but I won't regale you with that story, cause trust me, you don't want to hear it. Let's just say that this little goon had better be pretty cute cause he/she is trying my patience. (hahaha) Other than constant nausea and the occasional vomit action, things are pretty good. Have been noticing more pinching sensations but nothing that I would consider 'flutters' which is what everyone says movement feels like. i really don't expect to feel movement for some time, although i'm trying to be concious and aware.

Thanksgiving was a great time... lots of food (which all stayed down!), laughter, shopping and card playing. Grandma went a little crazy in the shopping department, and the goon may be clothed at least for the first year already. Although we had a great time, I was so happy to be home, in my own beds with the kitties. Especially since it's 45 degrees here, and it was 12 degrees on T-day.... Um yeah, no thanks. ;)
So... here is what he/she looks like right now....

And here is what I look like right now....(these pix are just post barf, so they may not be accurate, haha) I'm wearing my fave PJs in these pix... they have glow in the dark black cats.

Not reallly much change from last time. I've still only gained about 2 lbs, but since I puked about 2 lbs out this evening, I may be even, ha ha ha.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

10 weeks today
Here is what our counter looked like with all the post - IVF paraphenalia. baby asprin, estrogen patches, oral progesterone, injectable progesterone, prenatal vitamins, tums... in the back ground you can see the numbing solution and the topical arnice for reducing bruises. yes.. this was a fun adventure! You can also see our 'little black book' - our folder of info from the doc, how to do all that we had to do.

This is what all the IVF shots look like in the sharps container. (yes, all of those were poked in me at some point)

Here are all the shots that went in my belly...

Here are all the shots that went in one of my poor bruised butt cheeks.

And here is why every single one of those shots was worth every ounce of pain, every drop of blood, and every freaking penny....

Here's another internet pix.. to show you the amazing development. :)

This was quite possibly my most enjoyable vaginal ultrasound experience ever. The moment he got up in there, the little guy was moving around. Kept bringing his/her hand to face. Could see the little heart beating, see the brain (or at least some sort of fluid) in the head, two legs, two arms. heartbeat at 183 - that glorious swoosh swoosh swoosh, placenta functioning wonderfully (that's more of a duller swoosh swoosh swoosh). I can't find the words right now to describe how amazing this experience was. I actually feel drunk from the whole thing. I have such an endorphin rush. I just want to curl up and stare that these grainy pictures for ever. For the first time today, I think it really really hit me, I'm going to have a BABY. Before it still seemed so surreal, but today, there it was, moving, measuring right on schedule, with arms, and legs and a little heart just beating away. THERE IS SOMEBODY IN THERE.
I feel so profoundly grateful that I get to experience this. I feel so profoundly grateful for being a woman. I feel so much like this is the most amazing dream I've ever had, and I dont' ever want to wake up.

Thanks for dreaming with me.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

So, first you might be wondering why we've chosen to refer to our growing fetus as 'goonie'.... well to explain that, I kind of have to tell you a little story.
A long long time ago ( I think it was at least 7 years - cause I was still in Chiropractic school) I was having lunch with a friend from school, and the song 'Sweetest Taboo' by Sade came on. I laughed and said Ryan was my sweetest Baboo ( like Sally called Linus on the Peanuts ). When I came home, I told Ryan he was my sweetest baboo, and he thought I said "sweetest BABOON"... so I started calling him Boon. That morphed into many things, boon dog, boonie mc booner of the boons farm mc booners, b-dog, and so many others I can't even remember. For the longest time he had been calling me 'Sweet pea'.. (yes, i can hear the groans from many of you, but quiet down, this is OUR love story, not yours)... that morphed into Pea-dog, pea-ness (as in highness, nothing dirty!), PJ, and eventually, poonie, and poonie-J.
When it came time to name the growing mass of cells in my belly, being the dorks that we are, we had to choose somehting that rhymed... so goon, goonie, goon-dog it is.

For those that don't know, the making of this little goon has been a long long time coming. We started trying to add to our collection of furry babies (the two cats - Mik and Oscar) a couple of years ago... month after month, nothing ever happened, and we finally decided to make sure all was well down under. So we saw a Naturopath, who ordered some preliminary tests, where everything looked fine, and we decided to just keep working on it. 6 months later, after many tears, and long conversations, we decide to consult an RE (reproductive endocrinologist - ie: the big guns) He looks at us, says 'well theres nothing wrong with you! - that's the good news and the bad news!' ... so we began on our journey of infertilty treatment. After several IUIs (insemination) with me on Clomid (ie: a drug that makes you CRAZY) we did some further tests, and found that our problem was Male factor, Ryan was creating antibodies to his own sperm, they were more than plentiful, and perfectly healthy, they just had a little trouble cracking into the ol eggs. Our only true hope was IVF (invitro fertilization)... but we decided to do a few more IUIs while we got everything (ie:money/tests) ready for the the really big guns.
Mid august, it all began, first with birthcontrol pills (yeah, those will make anyone a little crazy) and ovarian suppressants (1 shot a day in my belly) then when i was sufficiently oppressed, i mean, suppressed, adding in two more shot in the belly to start stimulating my ovaries to make a crap load of eggs. All of this was a barrel of laughs, really, it was great fun. No, actually, it was a little scarry, and not fun at all, but you know, you do what you have to do, right? Right.
Finally, Mid september, 14 eggs were retrieved from my bloated, sore and aching ovaries, and manually fertilized by the fabulous Embrylogists at our awesome clinic. I won't tell you how horribly painful that proceedure was (afterward, I was completely out for it).. but I'll just let you imagine - and again, you do what you have to do. Five days later, we had 8 fabulous, wonderful blastocysts hanging out in a petrie dish. Two of them were transfered back to me, and six were put in the deep freeze, our own little embryo savings account.
A mere 10 days after that we were given the wonderful news that not only was I finally pregnant, but that the blood test results made everything look really good. Now we waited (you see this infertility game has lots of waiting) for the first ultrasound to see how many of these little blastocysts had decided to take up residence in my uterus. At 6 weeks, (end of september) we went for our first US, and found out that we had one lovely perfect little blob living firmly attached to my uterus. We got to see, and HEAR the rudimentary heart beating. That moment, that one perfect moment, made every shot, every vaginal ultrasound (yes there were a LOT of them) every painful proceedure worth it. There is nothing like that Swoosh Swoosh Swoosh to make you feel like it was all worth it. I'd show you a picture of the ultrasound,but honestly, it's just a blob, nothing to see.
So, now here we are, 9 weeks 2 days pregnant. Morning sickness sucks, but it's better than infertility, hands down. I have to eat all the time, and a lot of the time nothing sounds good. There is a little throwing up, and a lot of gagging. I have cleavage, for the first time ever! ;) Our next ultrasound is coming up, and I'll probably post a picture of that, as there should be something to see. I can't wait to see what the little goon is up to in there. Some days I think he/she is building a fort, with all the action I feel, lots of pinching. pulling, hammer and nails, I think i even heard a miter saw going off down there the other day, yes, our little goon is very industrious!
At this point, here is what he/she looks like (this pix is taken from the internet, not from me!

And this is what i look like so far... notmuch happening, but it's definitely different to me. It's not uterus, it's merely my guts being pushed up by my uterus, I call it my 'poop pooch'... yes, I'm so so so funny!

This one is same, but with my shirt up, cause it shows just a wee bit more.

And this last one is from the front, so we can document the growing Om on my belly, which I had done when we first started trying to concieve... I love the symbolism of the Om, and wanted it over my growing babe. Om Sweet Om. :)

So.. there is the story thus far. Stay tuned for whatever comes next!