40 weeks!

40 weeks ago today, I was starting my last period. I'd like to type that it was the last time I saw blood in my underpants, but we all know that would be a lie. 40 weeks ago I was not pregnant, and beginning to shoot drugs (or maybe I already had, I don't remember) into my belly. 40 weeks ago today, I was about to get on the ride of a lifetime, and I had no clue. 40 weeks ago today, it all began.

40 weeks. Today is our official 'due' date according to the IVF. Of course we all knowthis means absolutely nothing, as baby will come when baby is ready. Could be today, could be in two weeks. And currently I'm fine with either. I feel as ready as I'm going to be (read: scared shitless) to have this baby, but at the same time, I'm not miserable, and could stay pregnant a bit longer. Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen, and I have no control. It's nice to just be, and not obsess, or freak out or worry. It's nice to just TRUST. huh, hows that for a change? We'll see how I feel in a few days, right?

Every morning since the embryo transfer Ryan has kissed my belly good bye before he hops on his bike and heads to work. It has been sweet and tears my heart open every time. For the past week or so, everytime he pulls the sheet back to kiss it good bye, I wonder "is this the last time?" Everyday could bring about the biggest change I can ever imagine in my life, and I say...

Bring it on.